Supporting a relative during addiction can mean forgiving them and encouraging them back toward life values. There is a persistent struggle to serve them in a sacrificial way, and at the same time, to set a proper boundary for personal health and sanity. Confusion over the proper approach to an addicted family member can lead to enmeshment, codependency, or a sense of guilt and callousness. Anger and frustration are almost unavoidable. The following will help you deal with a relative during addiction treatment programs.
The little kid you remember is gone, at least for now. Treating the addict as if he or she is normal leads to unreal expectations and resentment if they fail to meet them. The sooner you can see them as a person struggling with a disease they can’t control, the sooner you’ll begin to feel freedom from resentment and anger.
We all want to have the answer. We want to believe that if we extend enough love and give enough help, we can make the addict well. But the reality is that Christ is the only one who can save them. We believe in our hearts that Christ is the Savior, and we must admit that we’re not. It isn’t an abdication of your responsibility to help your relative, but it’s a humble realization of God’s omnipotent power and our human weakness.
While you may fear that you’ll appear uncaring, there’s a need to set proper boundaries with the addict. Many family members have been drained of money, neglected their own relationships, and put their jobs in jeopardy trying to help and support an addict. Your sacrifices will not fix them. If the addict refuses addiction recovery, you may need to refuse money and even a relationship. Also, you need to allow the holy spirit to work. Believe that it’s God’s Holy Spirit that transforms hearts. He’ll lead the addict to recovery in His own time. So, you pray, relax, and allow the Holy Spirit to work.
Often, the family members of addicts are reluctant to let the addict completely self-destruct. As a consequence, they practice enabling, which is not helping. Covering up their behavior only impedes them from realizing the true gravity of their condition.
Though shame and embarrassment may hinder you from seeking help, it’s essential that you have support from people who understand your struggle. Begin by honestly admitting the problem to a trusted elder. They may recommend support resources.
Addiction poisons the entire family, so the family is sick too. God didn’t put us on earth as self-sufficient beings. We’re meant to be in the community and help others and let them help us. If you’re uncomfortable receiving help, remember that your experience with an addict may bless someone else who shares a similar struggle.
Generally, the family of an addict has one of two responses to the call to forgive: either that there’s nothing to forgive or that forgiveness for so many years of hell is impossible. The first is denial, and the second is unbiblical. For the one in denial, he must realize that years of addict behavior constitute an offense, and it’s normal to feel angry and resentful about that. You don’t need to feel shame about your anger, even if you know that the addict is unable to control their behavior. When you realize and admit your true emotions, you can be more effectively relieved of them. It’s vital to your own recovery and your relationship with the addict.
