Let's face it - we all struggle with change and loss in our lives. It is a part of everyone's journey here on Earth. Either we all manage to go through the changes and losses relatively un-scathed or we allow them to affect us deeply and negatively.
Here is How to Truly Help Someone Who Is Struggling With Change or Loss:
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One thing that you should know is that what affects one person deeply, might not affect another at all. The reason for this is that every individual has a different perception of life and a different way of perceiving things. Having said this, there are some people who go through major changes and losses in their life and it takes them years to recover from the effects of those changes/losses. They do recover but they take time - usually far longer than others would take to cope with such situations says Peter DeCaprio.
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Another thing to note here is that if someone needs more time or help than usual to deal with change or loss, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with them! It just means they need extra help coming back to their 'center'.
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Sometimes it might be hard to tell if the person you are trying to help is not doing so well or they are just being 'picky' with what they accept and allow into their life. There are some clues though that will help you figure out whether your friend/family member really needs more than just your support/love, or whether she's just making it harder for herself by refusing things offered. Here are 6 of those clues:
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If someone wants to talk about what happened but doesn't want any solutions or suggestions - be careful! Many people who go through change or loss do want to share what happened to them with others in order to gain emotional support. They need time for this, so they probably won't be very open to any solutions or suggestions right away. If you are offering them help with moving on, but they keep brushing off your suggestions - pay attention! This might not mean that the person doesn't need your support. It could also mean that she is still processing what happened and accepting it. Only time will tell whether she does want to work through things alone or if she wants your help along the way too. If someone has gone through a big change/loss but focuses most of their energy on practical things - be careful! Again, everyone deals with loss in their own way, and by focusing on doing practical tasks (e.g., packing up somebody's belongings) or trying hard not to think about things (e.g., keeping themselves busy) they might be trying to push back the emotions that come up during such times. In some cases, it's a good idea not to 'get in their way' and just provide them with practical help when possible. If someone uses humor, sarcasm, or self-deprecating comments - be careful! Lots of people do this when going through change or loss because it helps them deal with the stress and discomfort involved in dealing with painful situations. However, if you notice your friend/family member is doing this more often than usual it could mean that they are actually struggling with something but don't want others to know about it. Pay attention to other clues as well (e.g., lack of sleep, self-medication with alcohol, etc.). If someone starts to make major changes in their life - be careful! People often start making big changes after experiencing a loss or change. This is because they need something new and exciting that will take their mind off of what happened or simply because they are trying to change everything about themselves. Again, if you notice the person has been particularly affected by changes/losses it might mean that he needs more time to recover so you can offer him your support instead of pushing for him to do things before he is ready. If someone holds onto certain belongings or keeps revisiting memories of what happened long after everyone else has stopped doing so - be careful! Sometimes people do this because they have an attachment to these items/memories.
Conclusion by Peter DeCaprio:
So, is your friend/family member really struggling or do they just need a little extra help? If you notice that the person has been particularly affected by something and there is no sign of them getting past it soon, this could indicate a more serious problem. On the other hand, if somebody does struggle initially but seems to be doing better after some time has passed without a clear indication of strain on their part, perhaps they really can make it through this on their own with your support.
